Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
