please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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