I cockslap morals
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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