What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
