wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
