i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
