Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
