Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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