It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
