You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
