There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
