Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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