12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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