Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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