ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
