you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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