We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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