i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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