It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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