So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
