If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
