I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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