Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my sisters under your porch take her home
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
