If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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