Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
