my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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