Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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