I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's blow job season.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
