I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize