Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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