My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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