Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
