bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize