How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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