i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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