im about as happy as oj after his trial
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
