will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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