Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
