If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
