Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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