You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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