Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
