I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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