like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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