Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
