He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
