don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
