Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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