I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
