but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
