If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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