I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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