Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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