my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
