Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
