I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
