The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
