Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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