Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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