I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
