I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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