Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
