I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
