I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
