Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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