I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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