I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
