If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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