she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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