Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize