I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Pants are for mortals
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
